I was going to write something more topical than this, but after a discussion at work, I’ve decided upon this. This is my worst Norwich City XI for the last decade. This is not authoritative, as your worst XI may differ. But this is a start. If yours is different, leave it in the comments. So here goes:
GK – Michael Theoklitos. Nothing needs to be said about the cack handed Aussie flapper.
DR – Keith Briggs. Bought from Stockport for £65k then played about 4 games. One of these was the opening 45 minutes of the promotion season, at which point he was replaced by Marc Edworthy in the most predictable substitution I have ever seen. Left the club and rejoined Stockport, where he was then released a year later for being too shit (they had gotten notably shitter in this point too). Last seen at Kidderminster.
DL – Fernando Derveld. Almost by default, with the last 10 years being taken up by Drury, Bertrand and Tierney. Bur Derveld is deserving. Crap defensively, couldn’t pass and shat himself in one-on-ones.
DC – Brian McGovern. Made a song and dance in the local press when he was given the number 2 shirt. His performances accurately represented a number 2.
MR – Andy Hughes. Captain Clap. A Carrow Road boo-boy no doubt, but he was spectacularly ineffective at times and his promotion to captain only seemed to highlight this. Ran around an awful lot, tried to make tackles and generally cover up rubbish play with effort. Forever adjusting his armband and trying to point out to Craig Fleming that, yes, he was captain. Crap.
MC – Mark Fotheringham. Shite, shite, shite. Captain for reasons passing understanding and under the belief that the armband made him the most important player on the pitch. Famed not for the ‘fozzy flick’ but for being a hormonal twat who stormed down the tunnel before never being seen again. Not that he was often seen on the pitch. He had the gall to say in a local rag story that he had to tone down his game for the benefit of the team. Last seen in Cyprus. Fuck off.
MC – Rossi Jarvis. Sorry anyone who thinks this kid was good, or who has a soft spot for him because he came from the academy, but he was rubbish. Even more rubbish than his older brother, who once scored a good goal vs Liverpool don’t you know. Rossi complained about not being given enough chances when we put Gibbs in midfield. It’s not because of any specific vendetta against Norwich kids. It’s because you were crap, Rossi.
ML – Jason Jarrett. I know he’s not a left sided player, but he’s going there anyway. Not that he could be any less effective than he was in his few games in the centre. Injury spoiled his time at Carrow Road but in the few games he did play he was headless. Joined from Wigan the year they got promoted. Bet he regrets that.
SC – Goran Maric. I forgot about this guy until someone reminded me on twitter. He was that invisible. Signed after a good trial, he then failed to make a single league appearance before buggering off 5 months later. Best known for the “NORWICH SIGN BARCELONA STRIKER” billboards courtesy of the Evening News. Was quite good on Football Manager 10.
SC – OJ Koroma. Possible the dodgiest deal Norwich have ever been involved in. The kid signs from somewhere in Gambia to Portsmouth, then managed by notable brown paper bag merchant and Quasimodo impersonator Harry Redknapp. He is then loaned immediately to Norwich where his contribution is the grand total of fuck all apart from a couple of sub appearances, but is amazingly given a start against Pompey south coast rivals Southampton (definitely not to save the Pompey staff the petrol money in actually scouting the boy properly). Left us, left Pompey.
SC – Chris Killen. Yet another stupid Roeder loan. Killen joined with Alan Gow and they both promised goals and flair. For the reserves. While Gow had some degree of success (in that he wasn’t absolutely terrible), Killen was shocking. The worst player on the pitch even in a reserve game against Barnet. Slow, poorer accuracy than even Jamie Cureton, devoid of ideas and off the ball movement. Basically, all the attributes you would hope a striker to have, he didn’t. And he went to the World Cup.
Honourable mentions/subs: Ian Murray, Carl Robinson, Dave Strihavka, Paul Heckingbottom, Julien Brellier, Juan Velasco, Troy Archibald-Henville, Dave Carney, Simon Charlton, Mattias Jonson, Antoine Sibierski, Jamie Cureton, John ‘Burger Van’ Hartson, Andre Leijer, Graeme Stuart, Trevor Benjamin, Simon Whaley, Michael Spillane.
If any of those players read this, then it’s nothing personal. I just don’t think you’re very good. xx