Today is the big one. Party time. Half of Norwich is having a liquid breakfast and the rest will start as soon as the final whistle goes, but before the 97th minute winner and the lap of honour, there are some awards to give out. No, I’m not talking Player of the Season or Fan of the Year. I’m talking about the 100% official, clearly not filler, First Annual Holtamania End Of Season Spectacular.
Party Animal of the Year: We might as well start with this. A shoo in for this award is Chris Martin, a local lad whose temperamental ways we have all grown to love, and his £2k fine for giving someone a concussion at a Birthday Party earlier in the season. The best part of the whole story? He was dressed as Peter Pan at the time.
The Mike Bassett Tactical Innovation of the Season: How our hearts raced when, turning up to a home game vs Sheffield United, we were faced with a back 3 of Jens Berthel Askou, Michael Nelson and Russell Martin as a sweeper, there to provide cover in case the lightning pace of the other pair was exposed. It lasted 25 minutes. But by God, we’ve got a manager who tries.
The AA Gill Twat of the Year Award: The twat who threw a lighter at Ian Harte but managed to hit a linesman. You sir, are a shitstain and I hope you’ve not been allowed back.
The Kevin Keegan Memorial Rant of the Season: This.
The People’s Choice Award for Services to Fashion (sponsored by Grant Holt’s moustache): It is hard to separate these two spectacular efforts.
A close third was Russell Martin and his fetching black pants.
The West Ham United Boardroom Intervention Award: This.
The Gold Plated Horse’s Head for Displeasing the Boss: Norwich fans were all aflutter after an edition of Late Kick Off not long before the end of the transfer window as crowd favourite Dion Dublin claimed we were nailed on to sign Craig Mackail-Smith from Posh. He had sources and everything. 12 hours later and McNasty confirmed his reputation with a terrific rant on twitter, railing against ex-pro’s who cant keep their noses out. The CMS deal fell through as the jokers at Posh upped the price, we got Vokes and Pacheco and the rest is history.
And finally, the Kenneth Wolstenholme Award for Services to Commentary: Anything to hear this again.
Belting season. Hope you all have a cracking promotion party and you’re well stocked on hangover cures for the morning.